I Want You to Know Who I am
by SlytherinFreake
Summary: HIATUS! *Formerly Venomous.* Harry has summer lessons with Snape. Before NEWTS, something happened. When the situation repeats, will they embrace it, or let it fall through the cracks? HPSS. Slash. Graphic M/M sex scenes.
1. Poison

**Title:** Venomous

**Genre:** Romance/Drama

**Pairings:** Harry/Snape, Ron/Hermione, Draco/Ginny

**Rating:** M, for future chapters

**Warnings:** Complaint to HBP, Dead Dumbledore, Powerful Harry, Slightly submissive Snape, M/M sex, mentions of past abuse/rape, mentions of suicide attempts, Confused Ron and Hermione, Character death (Moldy Voldy)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any recognizable characters, locations, or spells. That right belongs with JK Rowling and the others involved in the Harry Potter Universe. In addition, any recognizable lyrics are property of the artist and record company. I'm simply borrowing them for my pleasure, and yours.

**Summary:** Harry has summer lessons with Snape. Before NEWTS, something happened. When the situation repeats, will they embrace it, or let it fall through the cracks? HPSS. Slash. Graphic M/M sex scenes.

~*~

Severus couldn't believe his luck. Three weeks ago, right before NEWTS were due to begin, Potter had the _audacity_ to approach him for something other than help studying. The boy practically _flirted_ with him.

"God, he looks incredible though," Severus muttered, giving into his inner most thoughts. "His hair always looks as if he's been thoroughly shagged. He's built like a seeker should be. His glasses give him the intelligent beyond his years look."

The Potions Master shook his head, attempting to clear the inappropriate thoughts. He was having them far too often. NEWTS had passed, and the students still had about a week before they were due to depart.

Unfortunately for Severus, Harry and a number of students in his year would be staying behind to train for the impending war. Even more unfortunately for him, Harry would receive private tutelage from Severus himself.

"What have I gotten myself into?"

~*~

Harry sat in his room, wondering how the first private lesson with Snape was going to go.

"I just had to fucking do that three weeks ago, didn't I?" Harry said, lying back on his queen-sized bed. "I had to go and make things between us worse…"

Harry had known about his growing feelings towards Snape since fifth year. However, he had never actually acted on them, even in the forced Occulmency lessons. He knew about the secret art of Occulmency, and he had already began actively practicing it, especially around Dumbledore and Snape.

"I made such a mess for myself," Harry grumbled, before turning onto his side. He stared out the window, wondering what Snape was doing.

~*~

The Room of Requirement was prepared for him when Severus arrived. There was a large dueling platform in the center of the room, and strong shields protected the walls, should any potentially dangerous curses be sent wild.

His thoughts had strayed to the lithe, young body that had invaded his thoughts over the last month far too many times for his liking. It was bad enough he had seen the boy in his classroom for seven years. Now his dreams were filled with increasingly more sexual happenings each night.

"It's not right," Severus said, walking around the room. "It's just not right. It's like that stupid 80's rock song."

Unfortunately, that was exactly what it was like for Severus. Alice Cooper's song "Poison" fit him too well, especially the chorus line.

_I want to love you, but I better not touch (Don't touch)  
I want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop  
I want to kiss you but I want it too much (Too much)  
I want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison  
You're poison runnin' through my veins_

It was almost too much for the 38-year-old man to handle. In his years, Severus had lusted after older and younger men alike, but they were never more than a few years either way. Harry was literally less than half his age. _Half!_

"This is inane," Severus spat. "The boy should not be encompassing my thoughts after one little kiss."

~*~

Harry had woken at 5:45, a full three and a quarter hours before he was supposed to meet Snape in the Room of Requirements.

"That was a pretty intense detention," he grumbled, lying on his back, staring at the canopy on his bed.

He allowed the thoughts to wander in his brain, replaying the night in question….

**FLASHBACK: THREE WEEKS PRIOR**

Harry had entered Snape's office on time for what he hoped to be his final detention.

"You'll be scrubbing cauldrons, Potter," Snape spat, gesturing to the right-hand side of the room, where at least a terms worth of disgusting cauldrons sat. "Needless to say, you will do so without magic."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, before divesting himself of his robes. He rolled the sleeves of his school shirt to his elbows and got to work.

After nearly four hours of scrubbing, scraping, and polishing, the cauldrons were in all their cauldrony glory. Harry's left arm felt as though it was going to fall off as he stood to face Snape.

The professor hadn't noticed that Harry had finished. He was off in his own little world, his eyes trained on where Harry's ass had been moments ago.

"Professor?" Harry asked, stepping over to Snape. No response.

"Sir?" Harry asked, stepping closer. Still, no response.

Harry felt daring, and there was little he could do to stop himself. He pressed his lips to the thin ones on his professor's face. Surprisingly, they were warm and fit nicely with Harry's. They responded instantly, opening to allow Harry's tongue into the professor's mouth. Their tongues danced for a short while, before Snape snapped to his senses. He shoved Harry away from him.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" he barked, appalled that he had allowed that to happen.

"Um," Harry mumbled. "Kissing you, sir."

"Why the bloody hell did you even consider that?" Snape hissed.

"I've liked you since fifth year, sir," Harry said, his eyes searching Snape's face.

"You've liked me since fifth year? That makes kissing your teacher appropriate in what way?" Snape said, standing to accentuate his full 6'3" height.

"I don't know, sir," Harry said, his 5'8" stature being towered over. "I shouldn't have done it."

"Bloody right you are," Snape snapped. "Now get the hell out of my sight."

Harry was more than happy to put as much space between himself and the seething Potions professor.

~*~

Severus looked up as he heard the door open. Harry entered, a full half hour early.

"Good morning, Professor," Harry said, keeping his eyes averted. He had wondered what was going to happen after the incident.

"Potter," Severus answered. "Today, we will begin with simple spells that pack a lot of punch."

Harry paid rapt attention to the professor, memorizing each spell and the wand movement attributed to it. He needed to, if he were to have a chance against Voldemort.

After a few hours of learning the spells, what they did, and the wand movements, it was time to put them to use in a duel.

Severus was impressed by how the young man had paid attention, repeating things under his breath and continually repeating wand motions.

"Now, we duel," he said, getting into the proper position. He couldn't help but let his eyes wander as Harry did the same. The brat had definitely matured over the years, somewhat against his will.

They duel was a grueling forty minutes, but it was shocking to Severus. Harry had used wandless magic on a few occasions that he had been disarmed. There was no mention of Harry being wandless.

"I must say, Potter, that your skills are impressive at this stage," Severus said, slumping onto a couch that had just appeared along the far wall.

"Thank you, sir," Harry said, collapsing on the floor, breathing heavily.

~*~

Harry could not believe that Snape had just complimented him, and even more shocking was that it wasn't offhanded.

"What do you say to going to the Great Hall and grabbing something to eat? It's well after lunch, and nearly dinner, but we've been up here all day," Snape said, getting up and offering a hand to Harry.

"Sounds great," Harry said, taking the offered hand to get up.

Unfortunately, Harry used a little too much force, and Snape found himself with a lapful of Harry.

"_Bloody fuck_," Snape thought, his eyes finding Harry's. There was something in those emerald pools that he couldn't place.

"Sorry," Harry said, getting to his feet. "I didn't think I'd wind up knocking us both over."

"It's alright, Potter," Snape said, getting up and dusting off his robes. "After we grab a bite, we'll go into my office to study a few potions."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, his eyes alight again.

~*~

Severus was nervous about being alone in his office with Harry again. He could have cut the sexual tension in the room with a well-placed cutting hex. There was no way they'd both be able to stave off the urges much longer.

After they ate a hurried meal, they went into the office.

"Do we really have to do potions tonight?" Harry asked, stretching and yawning. "After the rigorous morning regimen today, can we just take it easy?"

"If you do not wish to study potions tonight, you may leave," Severus said, internally happy that he would not have to stave off the temptation much longer.

"I don't want to leave, I just don't want to study potions," Harry said, his eyes on Severus.

Severus stilled, his breathing becoming quicker. He was in over his head, and there was no way he could talk his way out of it.

~*~

Harry could sense that Snape hadn't forgotten about their last encounter in the office. He smirked a bit, seeing the reaction it brought out of the normally stoic Potions Master.

"You still think about it, don't you?" Harry asked, sitting on the chair behind the desk. "What happened the last time we were alone down here."

"Unfortunately, yes, I do," Snape spat. "What's it to you?"

"You want more of it," Harry said, standing. "You know you want more."

"I don't want more of anything," Snape said, backing away from the young man. He soon found his back against the wall.

"You want more of this," Harry said, stepping over to Snape, effectively pinning him to the wall. Harry's eyes were burning with lust as he pressed his lips to Snape's.

~*~

Severus froze. Harry was kissing him. _Again!_ He hadn't responded, though certain areas were. He could feel Harry's soft, warm lips against his own. His resolve was crumbling. Before he knew it, his had wrapped his arms around Harry's waist, and they were kissing passionately.

He felt Harry's tongue enter his mouth, and before he could stop it, a moan escaped him. Harry's tongue explored, taking in every sound and taste.

After a few moments, Harry pulled back, his eyes hooded.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked, smirking.

"No, it wasn't," Severus answered, his arms still around the lithe body before him. He was embarrassed that he had hardened as fast as he did, until he felt a similar hardness against his thigh.

"What do you say we go to your room?" Harry asked, hoping beyond everything that he got the answer he wanted.

"Follow me, Harry," Severus said, releasing the young man and taking his hand.

~*~

**A/N: **_So, this is my new side project. Crash Love wasn't lighting my fire._

_I guess the plot bunny nestled in my brain while I was playing RockBand with some friends, and one of them picked "Poison". The chorus line seemed like something that would fit a Sev/Harry relationship, especially from Sev' POV._

_TBW should be updated soon, the next day or two, hopefully._

_R&R, pls._

_-KD_


	2. Between Breaths 1

**Disclaimer: **Can be found on Chapter 1

~*~

Severus pulled Harry into his room, slamming the door behind them. Harry shoved Severus against the wall and kissed him hard. Severus' arms slid around Harry's waist, drawing the young body against his again. If Harry's groan was anything to go by, Severus was doing the right things.

There was no time being wasted with unneeded words. Hands had begun to roam bodies, clothing was being removed, and kisses were placed.

Severus couldn't believe that Harry was willingly doing these things with him. Of all people, Severus was definitely not the most attractive. He knew that his skin was poorly cared for, his hair was less than beautiful, and his features were horrible.

Harry, on the other hand, was gorgeous. His skin was constantly golden, his hair looked as though he'd just been shagged, and his features were classic.

~*~

Harry let his hands travel along Severus' exposed stomach, drawing a constricted moan from the older man. Harry smirked as he leaned down to ravish a nipple with soft licks and gentle bites. He couldn't believe that Severus wanted him this way. He was scrawny, short, and normal. Severus was tall, dark, and handsome.

His hands slowly started to work at Severus' belt, causing the older man to pull him up into a heated kiss. Their tongues battled as Harry's hands worked open the belt, and his hands made quick work of the button and zip on Severus' trousers. His hand slipped inside, gently caressing the slick skin available to him.

Harry felt Severus leaning backwards, so he stood on his tip-toes to keep control of the kiss, before breaking the kiss to ravish Severus' exposed neck.

~*~

Severus couldn't believe the sensations of Harry's hand on his cock. The Quidditch calluses added a new sensation, as the slightly roughened skin made contact with his cock. He groaned deep in his throat, exposing his neck as he leaned against the door heavily. Suddenly, his knees seemed to be made of jelly, and he needed all the support he could get.

Harry's hand circled his cock, taking Severus' breath from him. Combined with the kisses, licks, and bites at his neck, Severus was in complete sexual heaven. Never before had Severus been so lost in sensation, and it was something he didn't want to give up now that he had found it.

He stiffened, as he felt his sac tighten before the tell-tale guttural moan was ripped from him as he shot off in his pants. His eyes closed as he basked in the afterglow of the amazing orgasm the younger man had given him.

~*~

Harry smirked to himself again, pulling his sticky hand from Severus' now wet trousers. He waited for Severus' eyes to open, before looking into them and beginning to lick the spunk from his fingers. He found the taste to be a bit salty, but it wasn't overpoweringly so.

Harry felt, more than heard, the groan from Severus. He jerked his head towards the bed, receiving a quick nod from the Potions master. He helped Severus over, before sitting him on the edge of the bed, to remove his shoes and trousers.

There was still wariness in Severus' movements, and Harry knew there was a lot to overcome in a short period if he wanted this to become something. He worked quickly enough to show that he really wanted this, but slowly enough to hopefully prove that he wanted it to continue.

~*~

Severus was now completely naked, sitting before Harry. He was suddenly extremely self-conscious, and he attempted to cover himself. Harry took his hands gently, kissing him softly. Severus relaxed enough to feel comfortable, before his hands started to work at Harry's belt.

His fingers quickly opened the belt, soon followed by the button and zip, before he cautiously slid his hand into the waistband of Harry's boxers. He felt as the younger man stiffened a bit as his hand grazed the slick skin. After a moment, Harry's eyes closed and his breathing was more erratic. Instinct kicked in, and Severus started running a single finger along the vein on the underside of Harry's cock, drawing whimpers and short moans from the young man.

After a few minutes of teasing, Severus stood and pushed Harry onto the bed. He made quick work of the remaining clothing on the young body before him. Harry wasn't ripped, but there was definitely some muscle on him. It was toned nicely, providing Severus another reason to be self-conscious, though he pushed it away. He ran his fingers over Harry's stomach, stopping just short of the sparse, coarse curls around his cock.

~*~

Harry was surprised when he saw Severus' chest in the dim light of his bedroom. There were scars all over his skin, some old, some relatively new. He wanted to run his fingers over each one, and memorize each of them. He didn't though. There was a silence over the two men, and if he would start tracing the scars, he'd end up asking questions.

He groaned as he felt Severus' fingers on his stomach, working their way further south. His eyes closed of their own accord, as they tend to when he's overly pleasured. He felt Severus' hand tentatively wrap around his cock, and his hips bucked towards it. The hand started to slowly pump, moving slightly each time. Harry felt the moans growing, and he let them escape his lips.

Suddenly, Harry was reminded of a song he had discovered over the last summer. It was by some electronic band, Blaqk Audio, if he remembered correctly. "Between Breaths" it was called. The first part of the chorus sort of fit the moment.

_You knew I knew the ways that I could make you say  
__"Please, please please don't take it...  
__Take it, take it, take it easy on me. Just make it.  
__Make it, make it, make it harder to breathe."_

~*~

Severus was intent on bringing Harry the same pleasure he was given earlier. His hand worked Harry's cock skillfully, earning him whimpers and soft moans. After a few moments, Harry groaned and shot his spunk onto his chest. Severus released his cock, carefully scooping some spunk onto his finger. Harry's eyes opened and watched as Severus licked his finger clean.

Surprisingly, Harry's spunk wasn't salty, as Severus expected. It was somewhat bitter, but not overly so.

After a few licks, Severus looked up to the young man.

~*~

Harry's green eyes met Severus' black, and they knew it. This was supposed to happen. The kiss before NEWTs, and now this liaison. It was meant to be.

"Severus?" Harry asked, his voice slightly raw.

"Yes, Harry?" Severus answered, setting himself next to the younger man next to him.

"You'll make it out alive, won't you?" Harry asked, looking to the older man. "You'll find me after it's over?"

"I make no concrete promises, but I will do my best," Severus answered, taking Harry's hand in his. "I do know that I'm not giving this up."

"Me either," Harry said, letting his free hand trace the scars on Severus' arm.

"Each one has a story, and each story is more complicated than the previous," Severus said, watching Harry's fingers. "But those are stories for another night."

Severus moved himself back so that his back was against his headboard. Harry stayed where he was, unsure of where he was supposed to go.

"Come here, Harry," Severus said, patting the bed next to him.

Hesitantly, Harry scooted himself up to sit next to Severus. Part of him wanted nothing more than to rest against the strong older man, but he didn't want to appear too clingy. He was greatly surprised when Severus put an arm around him, pulling him close.

"I let your mother go," Severus whispered. "I'm not making the same mistake with you."

~*~

**A/N:** _So, there's some smut in here. Rather...quiet smut. I challenged myself to do an entire smut scene with no dialogue. I think it has the things I wanted it to have, but if you feel it's a little empty, let me know._

_There's actually some plot on there too. I'll be going back to Severus' scars in a future chapter, and the bit of a cliffhanger should keep some of you interested._

_As always, read and reveiw, please!_

_-KD_


	3. Iris

**Disclaimer: **Can be found on Chapter 1

~*~

Severus held Harry to his side, his memory flooded with Lily. The way the young man melded into his side, his eyes, and the tenderness in each touch.

"Your mother and I were close," Severus said, his voice unsteady. "We were inseparable for the majority of our years here. The summer before our seventh year, I was marked by Voldemort. It disgusted Lily that I had given up my freedom to do the bidding of that madman. Instead of trying to keep her in my life, I let her walk away."

Harry looked at the older man, noticing the tears welling in his eyes. He reached up and gently wiped each eye.

"I won't walk away, Severus," he said, turning slightly. "I already feel attached to you, and we've abandoned our mutual hatred a few hours ago."

"I have never hated you, Harry," Severus said, his eyes closing. "It was merely a ploy to keep you distanced from me. Your eyes instantly reminded me of the largest mistake of my life. I didn't want to run the risk of having it happen a second time, so I chose to act as though I hated you."

"Severus," Harry said, reaching up to turn Severus' head towards his. "I'm not my mother, nor am I my father. I am Harry, and that's all that I'll ever be."

Severus looked into those shocking emerald eyes, seeing the truth in them. His mind went to "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, a song that he often found solace in.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
__Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
__When everything's meant to be broken  
__I just want you to know who I am_

"I apologize for the year I have treated you over your years at Hogwarts," Severus said, his onyx eyes gazing into the emerald ones before him.

"Don't worry about it, Severus," Harry said, letting a shy smile grace his face. "There's a time for new beginnings, and I say we should make ours now. It's what Dumbledore would have wanted."

"Albus was telling me that my farce would end up hurting more than healing old wounds," Severus said, letting his gaze drop. "He was indeed correct. In our short time, I felt more wounds heal than in the seven years that I treated you like an imbecile."

~*~

Harry sat up, pulling away from Severus. He took Severus' left hand in both of his and looked at the now exposed forearm. He let the fingers of his right hand trace over a particularly long, pink scar.

"Is that from my mom leaving you?" he asked, looking at the older man.

"It is," Severus said, bringing his other hand to point at a few others. "These as well. After she left, I sank into a deep depression, and the blade was my only friend. It was the only time that I felt anything beyond emptiness.

Harry brought Severus' hand to his right forearm, letting him feel the scars. The shocked expression was not entirely unexpected by the young man, though the fear was. Severus' fingers traced each one, his concern more evident as each scar got progressively longer.

"Why?" Severus asked, his eyes not leaving the marred skin.

"Loneliness. Self-loathing. Depression," Harry said, his eyes downturned. "Ron and Hermione were too busy trying to figure out what to do next. Dean, Seamus, and Neville didn't have to deal with the things the 'golden trio' was, so they were no help. I found the next best thing. I haven't cut nearly all year though."

"Self harm is a hard habit to break," Severus said, his hand resting over Harry's scarred forearm. "I hope that with each other, we can break from our pasts and hold firmly to the future."

"As long as I have you, I feel as though I can do anything, Severus," Harry said, smiling shyly to the older man.

"And I feel the same with you, Harry," Severus said, leaning to give Harry a chaste kiss.

~*~

Severus noticed that there was a side of Harry that very few people saw. He was rarely this candid with his friends, even Ron and Hermione. After Ginny and he broke up, he had changed. He wasn't the foolhardy young boy Severus has thought him to be. Having overheard the reasoning why he broke up with Ginny, Severus realized that Harry was quite wise beyond his 17 years.

"What made you decide to give Ginny a shot at a normal life?" Severus asked, his voice soft.

"She didn't need to suffer by being involved with me," Harry answered, his voice equally soft. "It's also why I let Ron and Hermione drift from me as they did. I've caused enough death, albeit inadvertently. I didn't need the blood of the people that I cared the most for on my hands by my own doing."

"How did she react?" Severus asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"She was hurt, shocked, but she understood," Harry answered, his voice cracking slightly. "I never did tell her that I was guilty for being with her while I wanted someone else."

"What do you mean?" Severus asked, suddenly aware.

"I've liked you since fifth year, as you well know now," Harry said, his eyes closed and his head down. "I thought the idea of you and I getting together would never happen. I'm a scrawny, ugly 17 year-old boy who wants a tall, handsome man whose more than twice his own age."

"You are many things, Harry," Severus said. "But ugly is not one of them."

"I'm skinny, short, my hair never cooperates, and I wear these glasses," Harry said. "Who would find that attractive?"

"I do, Harry," Severus said, slipping an arm around the young man. "You're caring, generous, and wise. You've got a very handsome face, and your body is much better than you think."

Harry said nothing as his head came to rest on his new lover's shoulder. He felt so small in the hugeness of the war. Sitting here with Severus had made things slightly easier, because he now had someone who knew where he was coming from. He could freely talk about his worries and fears.

"I don't want to lose anyone," Harry whispered. "I don't want to let the world down, but I'm just a 17 year old in a man's war. I never had a childhood past 10. Voldemort all but ripped it away from me when he marked me at 1, but the ten years with the Dursley's were the only childhood I had. Even then, I had an obscene amount of chores everyday, I did all the cooking from the time I could see over the stove, and I was Dudley's personal punching bag."

~*~

Severus felt his heart swell with worry as Harry told him these things. He had known that conditions with the muggles were less than ideal, but he had no idea the extent of them. He had known Petunia felt that Lily was a freak and that she held a huge amount of disdain for her sister.

"Your relatives mean nothing now, Harry," Severus said, slipping his other arm around the young man. "You'll never have to go back there, even if I have to threaten Minerva."

Severus heard a great sob before he felt arms wrapping around him. He could feel wetness gathering on his shoulder, and he felt powerless to stop Harry's tears. The young man was wracked with sobs. Even through the sobs, Severus could hear one sentence, clear as day.

"I just want you to know who I am."

~*~

After he finished crying, Harry felt somewhat ashamed. He had spent more time complaining about his own problems than asking Severus about his.

"What do you mean by you just want me to know who you are?" Severus asked, his voice quiet.

"I want you to see me for me, not for what my dad did, not for what my friends have done, not for anything other than the things I've done," Harry said. "Everyone else puts me on this pedestal, and I hate it. I'm just another person in this world, and I don't want to be treated any differently than anyone else."

"You'll have that with me, Harry," Severus said, his arms still around Harry. "I'll put aside my prejudices against your father. I've always seen you as you, but the disdain I had for your father clouded my judgment. I'll stop letting it."

"Thank you," Harry said, sliding his arms around the older man.

The two sat in silence, before Harry felt himself drifting to sleep after the emotionally and physically draining evening he had.

"I need to get back to the dorm," Harry said, trying to stand on shaky legs.

"You can stay down here, Harry," Severus said, helping the young man back into the bed. "I'll explain that your theory training went longer than anticipated, and you stayed the night on my sofa."

"Thanks, Severus," Harry said, snuggling into the pillows on one side of Severus' bed.

"No problem," Severus said, transfiguring Harry's jeans into a pair of PJ pants. "You may want to put these on."

"Oh, yeah," Harry said, a slight blush reaching his cheeks. He slid the pants on before slipping under the comforter.

Severus stood and grabbed a pair of boxers out of his armoire before sliding into bed next to Harry. He held an arm out, letting Harry choose to snuggle with him or not.

Harry gladly snuggled up to the older man, draping an arm over his waist. He rested his head on Severus' shoulder, drifting into a peaceful sleep quickly.

Severus watched as Harry fell asleep, his inner turmoil taking over. He knew any liaison with Harry could be potentially fatal on both their parts. The way the young man made him feel was worth it. Harry made him feel needed and loved, something he had only once before.

"Damn everything to hell, I'm fighting for Harry," Severus declared to the empty room, gaining a sleepy hug from Harry before he drifted into a peaceful sleep.

~*~

**A/N:**_ So, there's quite a bit of angst here. Sorry, but you know, the darker side of our boys._

_The next chapter is probably going to jump to Moldy Voldy's battle, and the lyric fits insanely well. Especially considering what I'm going to do to Sev *evil laugh*._

_Also, I renamed the fic. I feel the new title fits better than the original, considering when I chose the first name, it was going to be a one-shot based on "Poison" by Alice Cooper._

_Haha, stay tuned, guys. Read and reveiw._

_-KD_


	4. Scream

**Disclaimer: **Is found in chapter one, as are all warnings

~*~

It had been an uneventful couple of weeks. The staff and students who remained at Hogwarts were surprised to see that Harry and Severus were nearly inseparable. The two men were often found chatting about some article in the Prophet or a class from the previous years. The first time Severus' laughter rang out over the hall, everyone stilled.

Minerva was doubly surprised to find out that Harry had often been staying in Severus' rooms overnight. The two had the cover story of the practical session going over time, and Harry sleeping on the sofa. However, she knew that there was something more between them, but she wasn't going to say anything.

~*~

The next day, Harry woke up to a cold, empty bed. He felt the now telltale twinge that Voldemort was up to something. His occulmency had become impeccable, as Severus' was. He opened the bond and saw Hogwarts through Voldemort's eyes.

"FUCK!" Harry shouted, jumping out of bed and grabbing his jeans. He threw them on as he practically flew to Minerva's office.

"Voldemort is here. Now!" Harry shouted, after bursting into her office. "We need to gather in the hall and set the plans into motion."

"How can you be so sure?" Minerva asked, standing abruptly.

"My dear friends," Voldemort's cold voice said. "It's time for the battle to end the war. You have one hour to prepare before my forces will rip through your defenses and destroy Potter."

"Damn it," Minerva said, grabbing her wand and following Harry to the hall.

~*~

"_I hope he remembers everything I taught him,_" Severus thought, his mind carefully protected from Voldemort and his fellow Death Eaters in Hogsmeade. "_He had better be able to stop this before it gets overly out of hand. I can't lose him._"

Severus was nervous for Harry. Since the first revealing night they had spent together, the younger man had wormed his way into Severus' heart. Now, not only was Severus fighting to free himself, he was fighting to protect his young lover. They had become inseparable, and it was some akin to what Severus had with Lily. This was different though, as it was much deeper.

~*~

Harry stood at the forefront of the Great Hall.

"We all know what needs to be done. Death Eaters are to be killed while I search out Voldemort. Use any curses, hexes, jinxes, or shields you can think of. In these conditions, the Ministry is likely to overlook the use of Unforgivables, as we are battling for our lives and the preservation of our way of life," he said, his voice strong and even despite the mental stress he was battling.

"Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, and Vector will take teams to the three highest towers while Kingsley, Mr. Weasley, and Hagrid will lead you to the grounds in teams. Everyone who chooses to be an assistant to Madame Pomfrey will stay here so she can brief you on the spells and potions you'll need to know. We'll set out now.

"Keep your wits about you, think on the fly, and do what needs to be done. For the light!"

"For the light!" the room chorused, before splitting into the mentioned teams.

Harry sighed heavily as Ron and Hermione came up to him.

"We're sticking with you, mate," Ron said, standing to Harry's left.

"You'll need all the help you can get at this point," Hermione said, standing to his right.

"_I wish Severus was here,_" Harry thought, glancing behind him.

"Let's go," Harry said, leading the way out of the hall and onto the grounds.

~*~

Severus knew the plan, and he snuck away from the Death Eaters to meet Harry on the front steps of the castle. Since he and Harry were inseparable, no one questioned his true loyalty.

"Severus!" Harry said, his eyes lighting up.

"You ready?" Severus asked, ignoring the less important two of the three.

"No, but we have to do this. We've got ten minutes," Harry said, breathing a huge sigh of relief as Severus took his practiced place behind Harry.

The Golden Trio and Severus were the leading party for the attack. It had been decided that Severus would show his true loyalties when the battle started. He was more than capable of holding his own, and everyone agreed that Harry would need his presence.

~*~

"Let's go!" Voldemort cried, leading his followers to the gate of Hogwarts.

They were greeted with Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Severus marching towards them, three groups of students following.

"Traitor!" Bellatrix exclaimed, drawing all attention to Severus behind Harry. A curse shot at her, and she fell to the ground.

Harry's eyes were murderous, and Voldemort was shocked. He had never seen the boy radiate such power. There was an instantaneous flash of fear in his red eyes before he calmly approached the quartet.

"So, Severus, your true colors are shown," Voldemort said, smirking. "How very sad that I'll have to personally kill you."

"Over my dead body," Harry spat, venom in his voice.

"Protective of him, are we?" Voldemort said, the fear flashing in his eyes again.

"More so than you are of your precious serpent," Harry said, nonchalantly summoning a beheaded Nagini.

"How did you get her?" Voldemort asked, his voice shaking.

"Very carefully, Tom," Harry said, smirking.

None of the Death Eaters or Order members had moved. The scene between the Golden quartet and Voldemort was too shocking.

Harry's voice rang in everyone's ears.

"Get them."

~*~

Chaos reigned as Harry split from the trio behind him to follow Voldemort. He could tell the Dark Lord was scared, and he needed to end this quickly. Spells were crisscrossing the air, mostly from the Order's side.

Voldemort dove into the Forbidden Forest after shooting a stunning spell at Severus, who fell to the ground.

Avenged Sevenfold started pounding in Harry's ears, a bit from "Scream" coming to the forefront of his mind.

_Caught up in the madness, too blind to see_

_Woke animal feelings in me_

_Took over my sense and I lost control_

_I'll taste your blood tonight_

"You'll pay for that, Tom," Harry shouted, following his words quickly with a silent _Crucio_ that brought Voldemort to the ground. Harry held the spell for a short while, watching the tyrant writhe in pain.

"Why do you care so for Severus, Harry?" Voldemort asked, after Harry lifted the spell.

"It doesn't concern you, Tom," Harry said, wordlessly binding Voldemort. "I have found things that I have been looking for, and you will not take them from me."

Harry stared into the wide red eyes. Each movement he made caused them to get larger.

"Avada Kedavra," Harry said, his wand pointed directly at Voldemort's heart. The tyrant instantly slumped against the ground, his body lifeless. Harry levitated it out of the forest and to the center of the grounds.

Cheers went up from the Order members. Everyone was surprised it didn't take more than an hour and the fear was gone.

"Harry," Severus said, stumbling over. "You did it."

"I couldn't have without you, Severus," Harry said, before taking the older man into his arms and kissing him softly.

A collective gasp was heard from all the people on the grounds. The Death Eaters were stunned and easily rounded up by the Order members.

"I'll call the Ministry. They'll want to see the body and collect them," Harry said, slipping an arm around Severus' waist.

~*~

"It seems as though we may have a contender for Minister," Fudge chuckled, after sending the remaining Death Eaters to Azkaban, aside from Severus, who had been cleared of all charges.

"I don't want to work for the Ministry," Harry said, calmly. "All that I want to do at this point is live a peaceful life with my lover, away from the media and attention."

"I cannot say that I blame you, Harry," Fudge said, smiling proudly at the young man.

"As much as it may dismay you to hear, Harry," Severus said, approaching. "I wish to remain in Hogwarts and keep my posts."

"That's fine, Severus," Harry said, turning to look at the older man.

"I'll send you an owl about a possible interview," Fudge said, waving as he turned to leave.

~*~

"Minerva spoke to me earlier," Harry said, looking to his lover. "She asked me to take the Defense post, and the head of Gryffindor."

"Taking the second post would, once again, make you the youngest in over a century," Severus said, smiling to Harry.

"She mentioned that," Harry said, turning to face Severus. "There is one reason why I may not take the posts, though."

"Why is that?" Severus asked, his voice low.

"I want to disappear," Harry said. "If I stay, I'll still be in the public eye. After the majority of my school years being that way, I want to just get away, go somewhere that no one will know who I am."

"You could get that here, Harry," Severus said, his voice slightly shaking. "We could share my rooms for a while, before you start whatever you want to. You could stay in my rooms and hide from the world. The only mail that comes into the castle comes into the Great Hall during breakfast."

"I'll have to think about it, Severus," Harry said, his head dropping slightly. "I don't want to leave you behind, but I don't know if I want to stay here."

"Alright, Harry," Severus said, watching the young man walk away from him.

"I can't lose you, Harry..."

~*~

**A/N:** _So, the battle was somewhat anti-climactic. Just hang in there, dear readers, it's not over yet._

_As for the last bit, there's going to be a bit more about that in the next chapter, so keep your eyes open._

_R&R!_

_-KD_


	5. Open Arms

**Disclaimer:** Can be found on Chapter 1, as can all warnings

~*~

Harry left Severus standing in the entrance hall as he made his way to the Black Lake. He needed some time to sort things out, and the lake was always a place he had enjoyed in his years as a student. Although he had rarely had time to himself, he had always managed a late night escape when things were overwhelming.

"Harry?" Hermione said, sitting next to him. "Are you alright?"

"Not really, Hermione," he answered, his chin resting on his arms. "Way too much to consider, even after the war."

"Is it you and Severus?" she asked, his voice soft.

"He wants to stay here and continue teaching, but I can't stand the thought of being in the spotlight any longer," he said, his eyes closing. "I can't stand the thought of losing him, but I can't stay in this castle. He's so happy here. How am I supposed to ask him to leave what he loves?"

"Have you talked to him about this?" she asked, scooting closer to him. "I'm sure he'd be willing to work something out for you."

"He offered to let me live in his rooms while I recooperate from this," Harry said, sighing heavily. "But this castle was both a haven and a hell for me. It was a haven from the Dursley's while I was younger, but it became almost hell when Voldemort kept coming after me. Unfortunately, the bad outweighs the good right now."

"You should really talk to Severus, Harry," Hermione said, watching her friend carefully. "You can't let someone like him get away from you just because you're dealing with difficult things. He could help you through them. You've been so much happier since you started spending time with him, Harry. I don't want to see you as the depressed little boy again."

"I'll talk to him after I eat something," Harry said, standing up. "Thanks, Mione."

"No problem, Harry," she answered, standing as well.

Hermione watched as Harry went back into the castle. She then made her way to the dungeons, hoping to talk to Severus.

~*~

Severus stood in the entrance hall, and he felt as though his world was crashing down around him. He finally had found happiness in someone, and they were threatening to leave him.

"Just like Lily," he muttered, before slowly going to his rooms.

After a few minutes of staring at the bed, Severus went into the living room. He went to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He opened the bottle and poured a decent amount down his throat. His throat burned after, but it was a pleasant distraction from the turmoil in his chest.

"Severus?" Hermione asked, after opening the door.

"Hello, Hermione," Severus said, stowing the bottle back in the cabinet.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" she asked, sitting on the couch.

"Sure," he answered, sitting at the opposite end of the couch.

"Harry doesn't want to lose you," she said, going for the direct approach. "He and I just talked. He's not comfortable staying in the castle, for a handful of reasons. I think it would be wise for you to ask him about his reasons. I can tell that he's grown very attached to you in these last few weeks, and there's been a look in his eyes that I haven't seen since first year. You're something very good for him. Don't let him go."

"I know, Hermione," Severus said. "If you haven't noticed, I haven't been the stoic man I have in the past much recently. Harry has brought out a side of me that I had long since forgotten about. Since his mother and I had our falling out, I gave up on trying to care about someone. Your first year, I caught sight of Harry's eyes and was instantly reminded of his mother.

"There was a lot of tension in me when I first saw those eyes," he continued, noticing the rapt attention from Hermione. "I felt something inside of me break open, and I started to care about him."

"Have you talked to Harry about that at all, Severus?" Hermione asked.

"He and I have spoken of his mother, but not in the depth that I feel I may need to express," Severus said. "He knows how much his mother meant to me, but not the depth of feelings I had for her."

"Perhaps you should share that with Harry," she said, her eyes welling slightly.

"Perhaps I should," Severus said, standing. "I'm going to go find Harry."

"Good luck," Hermione said, standing as well.

The two walked to the entrance hall. Hermione went to the Great Hall to find Ron. Severus went towards the Astronomy Tower in hopes of finding Harry there.

~*~

Harry had grabbed a sandwich and a flask of pumpkin juice before journeying to the Astronomy tower to think. He sat on a bench on one of the many balconies as he ate his lunch.

"_There's so much I want to share with Severus, but I just don't know how,_" Harry thought, chewing his sandwich slowly. "_He's so great to me, and I can't lose that._"

Frustrated, Harry threw his sandwich over the balcony and sighed. He needed to talk to Severus, but right now, he could be anywhere in the castle.

"Why is everything so goddamned difficult?" he said, not expecting an answer.

"Because people have a tendancy to bottle things up until they can't handle it any longer," Severus said, stepping onto the balcony. "And we have much to talk about ourselves."

"We do," Harry said, turning to face his lover. "And maybe we could have this talk in our rooms."

"Of course," Severus said, offering his hand to Harry.

Harry stood and took the offered hand, before leading Severus to the dungeons.

~*~

Severus sat on the couch, unsure of how to start the conversation.

"I can't stay in the castle, Severus," Harry said, standing still. "I have too many memories, both good and bad, here."

"I understand that, Harry," Severus said. "I was much the same way after my years as a student here. If you want, I can talk to Minerva about taking a year or two off so that we can travel or just get away from here."

"I don't want you to leave something that you love because of me, Severus," Harry said, sitting in the armchair. "I want you to be happy."

"Harry, I'll be happy doing whatever will make you happy," Severus said, looking at Harry. "I can leave for a short while. I'm sure Minerva would be able to find someone to take my place, permanently if need be."

"I want to go somewhere," Harry said, "but I don't know where yet. And I would really appriciate it if you came, but I don't want to take you away from the school. I can't be like my father."

"Harry, your mother and I split because I made a mistake that I couldn't fix. I got marked, and she was angry and afraid. We go into a huge fight, and I said some things I could never take back. After the fight, I gave up on trying to care about anyone. I spent a number of years focusing my anger on myself, causing me to become stoic and cold," Severus explained, looking at Harry. "After I caught sight of your eyes in your first Potions class, it all came flooding back to me. Everything I felt for your mother came back, and it scared me. After so long not caring about anyone, I started to care about you.

"I had to keep up the charade of hating you, even though it tore at me every time I treated you like a piece of dirt. Eventually, I started laying off of you, mostly to ease my shattered self-worth than anything. Around your fifth year, I began to realize that I loved you. Now, after the things we've gone through both separate and together, I can't let you go. I can't make the same mistake I made with your mother."

"Severus," Harry said, his eyes welled with tears. "I can't ask you to leave Hogwarts on my account. I refuse to make others give things up for me."

"I want to be with you, Harry," Severus said, kneeling in front of the young man. "I need you in my life. I'll leave the castle so that I can be with the person I love."

Harry let the tears fall, his head lowered. Severus raised his head, looking into the emerald orbs before him. He was shocked to see pain in them.

"What's wrong, Harry?" he asked, worried.

"I love you, Severus, and I want you to be happy," Harry said, doing his best to fight the tears off. "I want you to do what you love, and I don't want to make a mess of your life because I'm too childish to stay here."

Severus started wracking his brain, trying to remember that Journey song's title. He thought it was called "Open Arms" but he wasn't sure. All he knew was the chorus fit, and he started to sing it softly to Harry.

_So now I come to you  
__With open arms  
__Nothing to hide  
__Believe what I say  
__So here I am  
__With open arms  
__Hoping you'll see  
__What your love means to me_

After Severus finished singing, Harry's tears had stopped. His head rested gently against Severus' shoulder, and his arms were around Severus.

"Thank you," Harry whispered, scooting closer to Severus.

"No problem," Severus said, holding Harry to him.

After a minute, Harry pulled away long enough to press his lips against Severus' in a soft kiss. There was no need, no rush, no hurry. After a second, Harry pulled away.

"Would you talk to Minerva about getting a couple years off?" Harry asked, shyly.

"I can do that in the morning," Severus said. "Tonight is all about us."

~*~

**A/N: **_Here's the next chapter. I know it's been a while, but I've been tied up a lot lately. Mostly spending time at my friend's places to get away from my house. It's difficult to explain._

_Anyway, the next chapter may have smut, it may gloss over the smut. I'm not sure yet. It all depends on how I'm feeling when I go to write it._

_It may be a short while before this gets updated again. My muse for TBW is back, and I've been focusing on that story a lot again._

_Anyway, I hope you like!_

_-KD_

_[PS - reveiws are awesome! and maybe you can help decide the status of the smut scene]_


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hey guys,

I know I've been really slow on the writing lately. I've been dealing with a quite impossible writer's block, and haven't had a lot of time to get through it.

A big part of it is that no one reveiws my stories anymore. I just get a butt-load of faves and alerts. While those are nice, I much prefer reveiws. At least that way, I can tell if you guys are enjoying my stories or if I need to majorly overhaul the plots.

Until my writer's block gets worked through, I guess I won't be posting much. Reveiws would probably help get me out of it, but until then...

Later,

KD


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